Round Two - Sloth

The Truth Will Out

Much time has passed now, and things are very different to before, still far from good but in another way. About a month or two ago was when it happened, something that would change the course of my life and forge out of me a person I never knew existed.

I'd been carrying on as before for a couple of months, spending the days asleep in body and the nights asleep in mind, finding the will from somewhere to talk with my family but barely listening to what was being said. The offer was there to lighten the load, but I couldn't find it in me to accept. I don't know how or why Gino had finally had enough, but I know it was when the boys were starting to look uncomfortable, complaining of needing to breathe in just so they could zip up their trousers. Gino had called me for a chat, as he does sometimes, and this particular time he practically ordered me round to his house for a good, long, talk. Alex was around, and he joined us while we spoke.

Alex is Gino's boyfriend, although despite living together they like to keep their relationship open. This wasn't the first time I'd met him; I'd seen him around a lot, especially some nights when out hunting. I'd never thought any more of him than a friend, and I had no reason to. I'd always known that beneath the hard exterior lay a deep person you could talk with for hours, and despite his being something of a flirt I could see why Gino stayed with him.

I'd never talked so much in my life, yet still my frozen heart refused to thaw, stubbornly withholding most of the pain as though it was a precious stone. Gino's mobile rang and he excused himself to answer it, leaving me with his lover who at first continued where we'd left off. He's considerably older than Gino, so he had more force behind his words.
“You're still holding back aren't you,” he observed.
I shook my head in frustration. “I want to let something go, I really do,” I replied, “It just won't come for some reason.”
I felt a hand on my shoulder as he spoke again. “It doesn't have to be through tears you know,” he said in a hushed tone. I didn't pick up on the hidden meaning at first, my soul so devoid of emotion it didn't register why the pressure on my shoulder changed.
“There's more to your predicament than you realise,” he added, at which I frowned as I turned my head to look at him.
“What do you...?” I began, trailing off as his hand slid across my shoulder and began to stroke my hair. He moved closer, his other hand caressing my face as his red eyes peered into mine.
All of a sudden I felt warmth. My heart began to race with a mixture of uncertainty and anticipation, and without realising I felt myself responding to his touch, my breathing becoming shallow in my now mounting anxiety.
“It's alright,” he breathed, “Just relax.”
So saying he placed a tender kiss on my lips, setting me ablaze as the icy wall encasing my heart finally melted, the fire within now consuming my entire being as his lips began to caress mine. My hands glided up his back as his moved down and under my shirt, running up the bare flesh underneath as I felt myself slowly sinking into the cushions, his strong body pressed up close against mine.

When I'm in my right mind I'm usually more logical and practical in my approach, thinking things through rather than acting on impulse. I wasn't in my right mind though, I hadn't been for months. I should have pushed him away when he first made moves on me, sent him away with a flash of my wedding ring, but instead of rejecting his embrace I welcomed it. Lost in the moment and aching for a release, I drank in the warmth of his touch as his hands roamed my bare chest, allowing my hands to do some exploring of their own, although for a moment I felt nervous as we gazed into each other's eyes.
“I've never done this with a man before,” I told him with an awkward smile.
“I know,” he replied, “Don't worry, I'll teach you, if you want to learn.”
Still driven by instinct instead of thought, I keenly nodded as I felt his breath on my face, my eyes closing as I once more tasted the sweetness of his lips.

The passion we shared was beyond words, replenishing my strength as the vampire within me fed on the heat blazing fiercely between us. When it was all over we both lay there on the couch for a while, our bare bodies glistening with perspiration as we fought to catch our breath. Once again I was in a daze, but this time it was a happy one as we ran our fingers through each other's hair. Eventually we had to rise and get dressed, but as we did I suddenly froze, the enormality of what had happened finally registering as I sank into the sofa in my shorts.
“S***,” I finally uttered after a while, “What have I done?!”
I could feel the cushions beside me sink under his weight as he sat by me, a hand once more on my shoulder.
“Yes, I wondered how long that would take,” he remarked dryly.

I looked back at him, feeling tears of guilt sting my eyes. “I'm married!” I reminded him, “I vowed to be true to her and I've always been a man of my word...”
“What the hell...?”
My head lowered in despair at the sound of Gino's voice. Alex in his initial surprise rose from his seat as he looked back at my half-brother.
“I picked something up from him,” he explained, “Remember our first time stretched out on the bed?”
There was a pause before Gino spoke again.
“Are you serious?!”
As I opened my eyes I noticed movement, and looked up at Gino as he crouched down to my level.
“Good grief,” he remarked as he eyed my state of dress, “This is more serious than I thought.”
“You're telling me!?” I exclaimed, rising from my seat and walking away from the other two men as I pondered the situation I was now faced with. What was worse, the fact I'd cheated on Gina or the revelation that I could sleep with another man? I'd never even thought it was possible for me; I'd always preferred women, or so I'd thought for over thirty years anyway...
“I know,” Gino said gently as he approached, “All this time you think you know what you want, and then something happens to tell you it's all been a lie.”
My expression softened as I spotted bloody tears welling at his eyes; I knew he was speaking from bitter experience, which in turn triggered tears of my own. What Gino had gone through with his then partner, did I now face that myself?
“Come on Junior, get yourself dressed huh?” he offered, “It seems our talk's far from over.”
I could only nod wearily as I retrieved my jeans and shirt from the floor.

“She'll kill me,” I weakly uttered as I once again sat on the couch, tears of fear trickling down my cheeks as I struggled to deal with previous events.
“If Alex was a woman she'd have good reason to,” Gino told me, “but the truth will out, whether you knew it was being hidden or not.”
“That's just it!” I replied, “Where did this all come from? I've never thought that way of men in all my life!”
“Neither did I,” Alex said, “until Kieran coaxed it from me. I think you can guess how.”
Kieran could win an award for Flirt of the Year. Darkly dressed and a vampire to boot, he played the whole field and took full advantage of that. Alex also likes women... I began to pray I did too, rather than the heartbreak Gino suffered at finding out he didn't.
“It's better out in the open,” he continued, “Trust me on that.”
I looked back at him. “Is that why you did this?” I checked. I was under no illusions about this being any more than a one-off, but I was beginning to question any other motives he had. Would he have been so quick to move in if we both knew I already liked men?
“That's the main reason, yes,” he replied, before allowing a playful grin to flicker across his lips, “That and you're so cute...”
I couldn't help but snigger softly at his last remark before my mind wandered, lowering my mood once more.
“You want me to go back with you?” Gino offered.
For a moment more focussed on stifling the sobs working their way up my throat, I could only nod in reply.

My stomach churned as we stood outside my house. I gazed up at the large dwelling with a feeling of dread so strong it was making me feel sick, and a part of me didn't even want to step inside.
“Are you okay?” Gino asked.
Still staring at the house, I slowly shook my head. “I'm scared Gino,” I muttered, “We've all been walking on egg-shells lately as it is.”
I felt an arm round my shoulder as he spoke. “Better to get it all out of the way now,” he told me, “I tried the secretive approach while trying to figure out what I wanted – it doesn't work. Your missus is a vampire too, she'd pick up on it in an instant.”
“I know,” I replied, “She reacted badly when we found out what the twins had been up to, how the hell will she take this?!”
“Don't worry about that now,” he said, “Just think how you're gonna explain what's happened. You said yourself you've been on auto lately.”
“Would she accept that as an excuse?”
“I would!” he exclaimed, “For someone as sensible as you normally are, this is completely out of character.”
My head lowered for a spell, my mind still reeling from before.
“Come here,” he offered, and on accepting I sank into his arms like the troubled teen I used to be.

My heart sank as I noted the clock in the hallway – half past three in the morning. All the kids were back from night school, although by now they were most likely in bed. I started to hope whatever was to follow wouldn't wake them as we headed for Gina's and my bedroom, my stomach doing cartwheels as I noticed the rays of light peeking under the door. Taking a deep breath, I tugged anxiously at my shirt as we entered.
“There you are!” she greeted with a smile, which quickly turned into a frown as she sensed the lack of joy from me as we both walked further into the room. “What's wrong?”
Gino was silent but not in his support, as he lay a hand on my shoulder while letting me speak. The emotion had returned to my being with a vengeance, and tears of guilt now flowed down my cheeks.
“I... I've done something really stupid...” I stammered, feeling my jaw quaking, “I'm sorry...”
“What do you mean?” she frowned as she approached, “What's happened?”
I managed to compose myself a little as I drew a hand across a cheek, smearing the blood on my face before speaking again. “I found out I like men too,” I said, hoping to lighten the burden.
“Oh really?” she acknowledged with interest, before shrugging. “Okay...”
I knew that part wouldn't bother her, having two men as her parents, but the question she asked next was the one I dreaded the most.
“So how did you find this out?”
I swallowed hard as my head lowered, thinking how best to answer. In fits and starts it all came out, and by the time I was finished I didn't dare look back at her.
“You slept with someone else??”
“I'm sorry, I really am,” I said as my head slowly rose to face her, wishing immediately I hadn't. I'd never seen her so angry all the time we'd known each other.

Gino broke his silence as he bravely tackled the task of trying to reason with her, and remembering he'd already done this before I left him to it as my tongue became frozen, at least for now.
“You can't understand unless you've been there,” he began, “If it was another woman it would have been different, but finding out you're not straight is a huge thing to take in when you've been used to different as long as we have.”
“Get out,” she said simply, the shutters already up and blocking any attempt at reason.
“Giana, listen to me...”
“I said get out!”
Sighing to himself, he nudged my shoulder. “Come on, let's...”
He trailed off as he noticed my change in mood. No longer weak, apathetic or guilt-ridden, I was now standing bolt upright as I fixed her with an angry stare. Suddenly I could feel my blood beginning to boil as all I'd kept buried for so long bubbled to the surface.
“Fine,” I replied defiantly, “Maybe I should take our two boys with me, huh?”
Her look changed to one of questioning amazement, about to reply but I cut in before she had the chance – there was too much now I needed to say.
“Oh come on, don't tell me you've not been aware of how you've been acting,” I continued, “You've not bothered with them since finding out they were pregnant.”
“We've been through this...!” she started, but I waved a dismissive hand as my tirade carried on.
“Yes, we have! We nearly lost Chris because of this, was that not enough to wake you up to what was happening? I've felt more like a single parent to those two lately; they need a lot of support, Chris especially, but they need it from both of us. I'm but one person Gina, I've been trying to do two people's jobs for their sake but I can't go on like this anymore... I've given so much of my strength to those who need it, I've none left for myself...”
The release was one I'd needed, but it was exhausting. All the strength I'd gained from earlier was lost in that moment, and my now weakened legs could no longer support the weight of my body, buckling underneath me as I collapsed into a hysterical weeping heap on the floor.

Time lost its meaning as the dam keeping my troubles inside burst, the waters gushing forth as every last ounce of the pain was cried and even screamed out of my system. I wasn't even aware of the company in the room, oblivious to the volume of the cries now emanating from within, not caring who heard and who woke to investigate. The only time I became aware of the outside world was when I had eradicated the poison from my being, left slumped on the floor shaking with the expended effort. Emerald blood stained my face, dripping onto my shirt and forming little rivers in my hands, droplets hitting the floor – I must have looked like something from a horror movie screened on my Dad's world, but I was in no position to care.
“Daddy?”
My eyes closed temporarily at my despair on hearing Chris's voice, and I gradually became aware of pressure on each shoulder. As I drifted slowly back to reality I looked about me apprehensively, grimly noting the presence of all six of our children in the room. Andy was with his Mum, and both of them looked as though they'd been crying. The girls were all huddled together with looks of fear and distress etched in their faces, Chris's eyes were puffy and red from his own tears. I slowly shook my head in dismay as it lowered for a moment, the true extent of my outburst hitting home.
“This is just what I didn't want,” I muttered softly, “I was meant to be your guide, your rock... the last thing you needed was to see me like this.”
“Oh Daddy,” Chris uttered in reply, and I could feel him pulling me into his chest. I had no fight in me left, and all I could do was sink into the arms of my pregnant son as he ran his fingers through my hair. “How can you be there for us if you can't for yourself?”
Words failed me then. My eyelids felt heavy, both from the simple pleasure of being embraced by family and from tiredness after the events of the night. I had only two goals once I felt able to walk; take a bath and get an early night, or rather morning.

Whether any part of that night did me any good is sorely debatable. Recovery has been very slow, if it's taken place at all; there will never be an end to the pain I feel throughout my life, but right now it's a mixture of hurt and guilt. Gina has improved regarding the boys and even towards me, yet I hate myself for having weakened in the first place, even though she can now understand why. Thankfully I still respond positively to her touch, a good sign that I'm not gay after all, but that side of me will always be there and it's hard to get used to. Naturally the others - especially Gina and Andy given their nature - make light of it or at least try, but it does little to lighten my mood. At least I don't feel empty anymore, just the opposite is true in fact, but there's a reason for that – I can't believe I was so naïve as to think that would be the last I'd hear about my night with Alex.

If I was mortal I would have put it down to a bug, just as my sons had done at first, but vampires don't suffer disease or sickness. It was for that reason I neglected to buy myself a test – what else could it be?! I remember sitting on the toilet seat after I'd rinsed out my mouth, my head sinking into my hands as a rising tide of despair rose inside. I didn't cry though, not then – I merely lifted my head skywards as a voice resounded from my throat, no longer caring who heard.
“Give me a break!! Come on, I think I've earned it by now! I don't need this!”
It was to no avail of course, but it made me feel better.
“Joe?”
I looked across at the door as it opened, and Gina stepped into the room. She opened her mouth about to speak, to ask me what the commotion was – I could hear her questioning thoughts, at which I smiled meekly in an attempt to lighten the load I was about to give her.
“I'm pregnant,” I said simply.
She had only to remember the twins' plight for her to banish all initial misgivings she might have had. Blinking in surprise at first, she then frowned.
“How do you know?” she asked.
“I've just been sick,” I explained, at which her face fell. She knew as well as I did there'd be only one reason for my sickness.
“Oh God,” she muttered, laying a hand on my knee. The tears came eventually as she cradled me in her arms.

It's still no better now, but then it's early days for me. The boys are getting fat as their growing babies make their presence known; for them this stage has passed, they can think with a clearer head. Meanwhile my body runs rampant with an overload of hormones, dragging me back into the abyss I'd hoped to be freed from, more so now as before at least I was non-receptive. Even though that meant I buried everything it had to be better than how I'm feeling these days. I just want to cry all the time, when another sensation doesn't take over of course.

It's ironic really. I'd always felt the need to support my family, yet now it's me who needs the help. Despite both Gina and Alex offering to help with the new arrival I feel so afraid, not only at the prospect of raising yet more children when it's already overcrowded here, but also the birth itself. I was there with Gina when she had both the twins and the quads, and her body's designed for the task at hand. Mine isn't, and even though Alex - having been through it himself - has tried to quash my fears, again I'm in no state to listen. My loss of appetite is real this time, and I force myself to go out more for the baby's sake than mine. The rest of the time I spend hunched up on the sofa contemplating my future, and occasionally I feel the temptation to leave everything behind, retreat to a house somewhere, but I know it wouldn't do me any good. At least here I have people around who love me despite everything I've put them through; all I can hope for now is that trimester two will hurry up and arrive. I'm so tired of feeling low, I just want to be me again.