Round Two - Sloth

The Truth Will Out

Much time has passed now, and things are very different to before, still far from good but in another way. About a month or two ago was when it happened, something that would change the course of my life and forge out of me a person I never knew existed.

I'd been carrying on as before for a couple of months, spending the days asleep in body and the nights asleep in mind, finding the will from somewhere to talk with my family but barely listening to what was being said. The offer was there to lighten the load, but I couldn't find it in me to accept. I don't know how or why Gino had finally had enough, but I know it was when the boys were starting to look uncomfortable, complaining of needing to breathe in just so they could zip up their trousers. Gino had called me for a chat, as he does sometimes, and this particular time he practically ordered me round to his house for a good, long, talk. Alex was around, and he joined us while we spoke.

Alex is Gino's boyfriend, although despite living together they like to keep their relationship open. This wasn't the first time I'd met him; I'd seen him around a lot, especially some nights when out hunting. I'd never thought any more of him than a friend, and I had no reason to. I'd always known that beneath the hard exterior lay a deep person you could talk with for hours, and despite his being something of a flirt I could see why Gino stayed with him.

I'd never talked so much in my life, yet still my frozen heart refused to thaw, stubbornly withholding most of the pain as though it was a precious stone. Gino's mobile rang and he excused himself to answer it, leaving me with his lover who at first continued where we'd left off. He's considerably older than Gino, so he had more force behind his words.
“You're still holding back aren't you,” he observed.
I shook my head in frustration. “I want to let something go, I really do,” I replied, “It just won't come for some reason.”
I felt a hand on my shoulder as he spoke again. “It doesn't have to be through tears you know,” he said in a hushed tone. I didn't pick up on the hidden meaning at first, my soul so devoid of emotion it didn't register why the pressure on my shoulder changed.
“There's more to your predicament than you realise,” he added, at which I frowned as I turned my head to look at him.
“What do you...?” I began, trailing off as his hand slid across my shoulder and began to stroke my hair. He moved closer, his other hand caressing my face as his red eyes peered into mine.
All of a sudden I felt warmth. My heart began to race with a mixture of uncertainty and anticipation, and without realising I felt myself responding to his touch, my breathing becoming shallow in my now mounting anxiety.
“It's alright,” he breathed, “Just relax.”
So saying he placed a tender kiss on my lips, setting me ablaze as the icy wall encasing my heart finally melted, the fire within now consuming my entire being as his lips began to caress mine. My hands glided up his back as his moved down and under my shirt, running up the bare flesh underneath as I felt myself slowly sinking into the cushions, his strong body pressed up close against mine.

When I'm in my right mind I'm usually more logical and practical in my approach, thinking things through rather than acting on impulse. I wasn't in my right mind though, I hadn't been for months. I should have pushed him away when he first made moves on me, sent him away with a flash of my wedding ring, but instead of rejecting his embrace I welcomed it. Lost in the moment and aching for a release, I drank in the warmth of his touch as his hands roamed my bare chest, allowing my hands to do some exploring of their own, although for a moment I felt nervous as we gazed into each other's eyes.
“I've never done this with a man before,” I told him with an awkward smile.
“I know,” he replied, “Don't worry, I'll teach you, if you want to learn.”
Still driven by instinct instead of thought, I keenly nodded as I felt his breath on my face, my eyes closing as I once more tasted the sweetness of his lips.

The passion we shared was beyond words, replenishing my strength as the vampire within me fed on the heat blazing fiercely between us. When it was all over we both lay there on the couch for a while, our bare bodies glistening with perspiration as we fought to catch our breath. Once again I was in a daze, but this time it was a happy one as we ran our fingers through each other's hair. Eventually we had to rise and get dressed, but as we did I suddenly froze, the enormality of what had happened finally registering as I sank into the sofa in my shorts.
“S***,” I finally uttered after a while, “What have I done?!”
I could feel the cushions beside me sink under his weight as he sat by me, a hand once more on my shoulder.
“Yes, I wondered how long that would take,” he remarked dryly.

I looked back at him, feeling tears of guilt sting my eyes. “I'm married!” I reminded him, “I vowed to be true to her and I've always been a man of my word...”
“What the hell...?”
My head lowered in despair at the sound of Gino's voice. Alex in his initial surprise rose from his seat as he looked back at my half-brother.
“I picked something up from him,” he explained, “Remember our first time stretched out on the bed?”
There was a pause before Gino spoke again.
“Are you serious?!”
As I opened my eyes I noticed movement, and looked up at Gino as he crouched down to my level.
“Good grief,” he remarked as he eyed my state of dress, “This is more serious than I thought.”
“You're telling me!?” I exclaimed, rising from my seat and walking away from the other two men as I pondered the situation I was now faced with. What was worse, the fact I'd cheated on Gina or the revelation that I could sleep with another man? I'd never even thought it was possible for me; I'd always preferred women, or so I'd thought for over thirty years anyway...
“I know,” Gino said gently as he approached, “All this time you think you know what you want, and then something happens to tell you it's all been a lie.”
My expression softened as I spotted bloody tears welling at his eyes; I knew he was speaking from bitter experience, which in turn triggered tears of my own. What Gino had gone through with his then partner, did I now face that myself?
“Come on Junior, get yourself dressed huh?” he offered, “It seems our talk's far from over.”
I could only nod wearily as I retrieved my jeans and shirt from the floor.

“She'll kill me,” I weakly uttered as I once again sat on the couch, tears of fear trickling down my cheeks as I struggled to deal with previous events.
“If Alex was a woman she'd have good reason to,” Gino told me, “but the truth will out, whether you knew it was being hidden or not.”
“That's just it!” I replied, “Where did this all come from? I've never thought that way of men in all my life!”
“Neither did I,” Alex said, “until Kieran coaxed it from me. I think you can guess how.”
Kieran could win an award for Flirt of the Year. Darkly dressed and a vampire to boot, he played the whole field and took full advantage of that. Alex also likes women... I began to pray I did too, rather than the heartbreak Gino suffered at finding out he didn't.
“It's better out in the open,” he continued, “Trust me on that.”
I looked back at him. “Is that why you did this?” I checked. I was under no illusions about this being any more than a one-off, but I was beginning to question any other motives he had. Would he have been so quick to move in if we both knew I already liked men?
“That's the main reason, yes,” he replied, before allowing a playful grin to flicker across his lips, “That and you're so cute...”
I couldn't help but snigger softly at his last remark before my mind wandered, lowering my mood once more.
“You want me to go back with you?” Gino offered.
For a moment more focussed on stifling the sobs working their way up my throat, I could only nod in reply.

My stomach churned as we stood outside my house. I gazed up at the large dwelling with a feeling of dread so strong it was making me feel sick, and a part of me didn't even want to step inside.
“Are you okay?” Gino asked.
Still staring at the house, I slowly shook my head. “I'm scared Gino,” I muttered, “We've all been walking on egg-shells lately as it is.”
I felt an arm round my shoulder as he spoke. “Better to get it all out of the way now,” he told me, “I tried the secretive approach while trying to figure out what I wanted – it doesn't work. Your missus is a vampire too, she'd pick up on it in an instant.”
“I know,” I replied, “She reacted badly when we found out what the twins had been up to, how the hell will she take this?!”
“Don't worry about that now,” he said, “Just think how you're gonna explain what's happened. You said yourself you've been on auto lately.”
“Would she accept that as an excuse?”
“I would!” he exclaimed, “For someone as sensible as you normally are, this is completely out of character.”
My head lowered for a spell, my mind still reeling from before.
“Come here,” he offered, and on accepting I sank into his arms like the troubled teen I used to be.

My heart sank as I noted the clock in the hallway – half past three in the morning. All the kids were back from night school, although by now they were most likely in bed. I started to hope whatever was to follow wouldn't wake them as we headed for Gina's and my bedroom, my stomach doing cartwheels as I noticed the rays of light peeking under the door. Taking a deep breath, I tugged anxiously at my shirt as we entered.
“There you are!” she greeted with a smile, which quickly turned into a frown as she sensed the lack of joy from me as we both walked further into the room. “What's wrong?”
Gino was silent but not in his support, as he lay a hand on my shoulder while letting me speak. The emotion had returned to my being with a vengeance, and tears of guilt now flowed down my cheeks.
“I... I've done something really stupid...” I stammered, feeling my jaw quaking, “I'm sorry...”
“What do you mean?” she frowned as she approached, “What's happened?”
I managed to compose myself a little as I drew a hand across a cheek, smearing the blood on my face before speaking again. “I found out I like men too,” I said, hoping to lighten the burden.
“Oh really?” she acknowledged with interest, before shrugging. “Okay...”
I knew that part wouldn't bother her, having two men as her parents, but the question she asked next was the one I dreaded the most.
“So how did you find this out?”
I swallowed hard as my head lowered, thinking how best to answer. In fits and starts it all came out, and by the time I was finished I didn't dare look back at her.
“You slept with someone else??”
“I'm sorry, I really am,” I said as my head slowly rose to face her, wishing immediately I hadn't. I'd never seen her so angry all the time we'd known each other.

Gino broke his silence as he bravely tackled the task of trying to reason with her, and remembering he'd already done this before I left him to it as my tongue became frozen, at least for now.
“You can't understand unless you've been there,” he began, “If it was another woman it would have been different, but finding out you're not straight is a huge thing to take in when you've been used to different as long as we have.”
“Get out,” she said simply, the shutters already up and blocking any attempt at reason.
“Giana, listen to me...”
“I said get out!”
Sighing to himself, he nudged my shoulder. “Come on, let's...”
He trailed off as he noticed my change in mood. No longer weak, apathetic or guilt-ridden, I was now standing bolt upright as I fixed her with an angry stare. Suddenly I could feel my blood beginning to boil as all I'd kept buried for so long bubbled to the surface.
“Fine,” I replied defiantly, “Maybe I should take our two boys with me, huh?”
Her look changed to one of questioning amazement, about to reply but I cut in before she had the chance – there was too much now I needed to say.
“Oh come on, don't tell me you've not been aware of how you've been acting,” I continued, “You've not bothered with them since finding out they were pregnant.”
“We've been through this...!” she started, but I waved a dismissive hand as my tirade carried on.
“Yes, we have! We nearly lost Chris because of this, was that not enough to wake you up to what was happening? I've felt more like a single parent to those two lately; they need a lot of support, Chris especially, but they need it from both of us. I'm but one person Gina, I've been trying to do two people's jobs for their sake but I can't go on like this anymore... I've given so much of my strength to those who need it, I've none left for myself...”
The release was one I'd needed, but it was exhausting. All the strength I'd gained from earlier was lost in that moment, and my now weakened legs could no longer support the weight of my body, buckling underneath me as I collapsed into a hysterical weeping heap on the floor.

Time lost its meaning as the dam keeping my troubles inside burst, the waters gushing forth as every last ounce of the pain was cried and even screamed out of my system. I wasn't even aware of the company in the room, oblivious to the volume of the cries now emanating from within, not caring who heard and who woke to investigate. The only time I became aware of the outside world was when I had eradicated the poison from my being, left slumped on the floor shaking with the expended effort. Emerald blood stained my face, dripping onto my shirt and forming little rivers in my hands, droplets hitting the floor – I must have looked like something from a horror movie screened on my Dad's world, but I was in no position to care.
“Daddy?”
My eyes closed temporarily at my despair on hearing Chris's voice, and I gradually became aware of pressure on each shoulder. As I drifted slowly back to reality I looked about me apprehensively, grimly noting the presence of all six of our children in the room. Andy was with his Mum, and both of them looked as though they'd been crying. The girls were all huddled together with looks of fear and distress etched in their faces, Chris's eyes were puffy and red from his own tears. I slowly shook my head in dismay as it lowered for a moment, the true extent of my outburst hitting home.
“This is just what I didn't want,” I muttered softly, “I was meant to be your guide, your rock... the last thing you needed was to see me like this.”
“Oh Daddy,” Chris uttered in reply, and I could feel him pulling me into his chest. I had no fight in me left, and all I could do was sink into the arms of my pregnant son as he ran his fingers through my hair. “How can you be there for us if you can't for yourself?”
Words failed me then. My eyelids felt heavy, both from the simple pleasure of being embraced by family and from tiredness after the events of the night. I had only two goals once I felt able to walk; take a bath and get an early night, or rather morning.

Whether any part of that night did me any good is sorely debatable. Recovery has been very slow, if it's taken place at all; there will never be an end to the pain I feel throughout my life, but right now it's a mixture of hurt and guilt. Gina has improved regarding the boys and even towards me, yet I hate myself for having weakened in the first place, even though she can now understand why. Thankfully I still respond positively to her touch, a good sign that I'm not gay after all, but that side of me will always be there and it's hard to get used to. Naturally the others - especially Gina and Andy given their nature - make light of it or at least try, but it does little to lighten my mood. At least I don't feel empty anymore, just the opposite is true in fact, but there's a reason for that – I can't believe I was so naïve as to think that would be the last I'd hear about my night with Alex.

If I was mortal I would have put it down to a bug, just as my sons had done at first, but vampires don't suffer disease or sickness. It was for that reason I neglected to buy myself a test – what else could it be?! I remember sitting on the toilet seat after I'd rinsed out my mouth, my head sinking into my hands as a rising tide of despair rose inside. I didn't cry though, not then – I merely lifted my head skywards as a voice resounded from my throat, no longer caring who heard.
“Give me a break!! Come on, I think I've earned it by now! I don't need this!”
It was to no avail of course, but it made me feel better.
“Joe?”
I looked across at the door as it opened, and Gina stepped into the room. She opened her mouth about to speak, to ask me what the commotion was – I could hear her questioning thoughts, at which I smiled meekly in an attempt to lighten the load I was about to give her.
“I'm pregnant,” I said simply.
She had only to remember the twins' plight for her to banish all initial misgivings she might have had. Blinking in surprise at first, she then frowned.
“How do you know?” she asked.
“I've just been sick,” I explained, at which her face fell. She knew as well as I did there'd be only one reason for my sickness.
“Oh God,” she muttered, laying a hand on my knee. The tears came eventually as she cradled me in her arms.

It's still no better now, but then it's early days for me. The boys are getting fat as their growing babies make their presence known; for them this stage has passed, they can think with a clearer head. Meanwhile my body runs rampant with an overload of hormones, dragging me back into the abyss I'd hoped to be freed from, more so now as before at least I was non-receptive. Even though that meant I buried everything it had to be better than how I'm feeling these days. I just want to cry all the time, when another sensation doesn't take over of course.

It's ironic really. I'd always felt the need to support my family, yet now it's me who needs the help. Despite both Gina and Alex offering to help with the new arrival I feel so afraid, not only at the prospect of raising yet more children when it's already overcrowded here, but also the birth itself. I was there with Gina when she had both the twins and the quads, and her body's designed for the task at hand. Mine isn't, and even though Alex - having been through it himself - has tried to quash my fears, again I'm in no state to listen. My loss of appetite is real this time, and I force myself to go out more for the baby's sake than mine. The rest of the time I spend hunched up on the sofa contemplating my future, and occasionally I feel the temptation to leave everything behind, retreat to a house somewhere, but I know it wouldn't do me any good. At least here I have people around who love me despite everything I've put them through; all I can hope for now is that trimester two will hurry up and arrive. I'm so tired of feeling low, I just want to be me again.

Round One - Sloth

Original Sin

It's a little hard to talk about something that's part of your personality. They call laziness a sin, but what about those of us who are born lazy? Oh trust me, it's possible, and it's not as cushy as it sounds. In fact it's outright draining – imagine feeling ready to sleep half-way through the day? It's even worse when you're naturally bothered by mess too. Conflict of interests? You bet. In fact that's partly why I asked Gino's Mum to bite me – up all night without feeling lethargic? Yes please! Okay, so I can't get out during the day, but I couldn't do that much before. I was either at work or curled up on the couch, when I wasn't forcing myself to go round the house on a cleaning spree anyway.

Work? Oh yes. I went to University for a reason; even as a child the idea of smart suits and office work really appealed to me, and I decided to go for a business degree. I ended up sharing with both my twin sister Diana and a girl I met at school, who I knew as Gina. Both very active girls – up bright and early, rush rush rush... they made me dizzy. Likewise I must have driven them mad with my lack of activity, but I didn't care. Diana is just as clean as me, so the house never needed my attention all the time we were there, which by this point suited me just fine. I was never a morning person, and all those early classes soon took their toll.

All I'd hear during my stay was that I'd “better get used to it” if I wanted office work later on. That did occur to me on several occasions, with the hours being nine to five... all I could think was “ouch.” Still, it was a dream I had, and the reply I came up with was “it'll mean I earn my lie-ins over the weekend,” wearing my trademark cheeky grin as they walked away in annoyance. Even then, I managed to get out of the early working hours when I graduated... it was at our sending-off I got bitten. By a massive stroke of luck the people who would be my employers recognised that vampires were just as capable of giving a good service and offered night shifts. I got out of early mornings after all!

How Gina and I ended up together baffled those around us at first, but then she's been my rock since our school days... which leads me to a different spin on this so-called sin. Sloth isn't just about laziness, believe it or not. I was surprised myself on looking up the meaning; when it first came about it was defined also as joylessness, sadness, apathy... That actually sounds very unfair, but going by that definition I could probably be one of the most slothful people alive.

It started when I was about five years old. An age where you naturally get curious about the facts of life, but out of the children who ask “how did we get here?”, how many parents in reply tell them they got taken by aliens? How many of those would be serious about it too? If I was pink instead of green maybe I would have laughed. Instead however, as Mum showed me a photo the alien in question had given him to show me, I cried.

My head continued to spin as I got older, wondering all sorts of things about my father – how much did I take after him? Did he ever care about us, or were we just experiments to him? Especially when it transpired that, to Mum at least – we called him Mum since he was the guy who carried us inside him – Diana and I weren't even meant to be here. He confessed that he'd merely missed the therapeutic hobby of gazing up at the stars with a telescope designed to the task, and it had been a while since any alien being had picked up on its use. This particular time they did, and going by the first discussion about it, Mum even tried to bargain with this guy, saying he'd “had enough”. That cut me like a knife – how do you deal with something like that? It was during my childhood my sensitive nature first reared its ugly head; ironically it was that part of me that drew Gina to me in the first place and made me so popular with the people around me, saying how nice a person I am, but it's a double-edged blade. It also makes you more receptive to pain, and in my case it didn't even have to be directed at me for me to feel it. Being naturally so serious with it caused me to chew over the various issues I faced too, which only served to intensify that pain. My long-term plans formed mainly to serve as a distraction from what was happening around me, but even that only helped to a degree. It was probably my own origins that caused me to react so badly to the antics of one of my older half-sisters; she'd got herself pregnant through a one night stand, and I'd met the result of that during my school days.

That gnawed at me all the time I progressed through adolescence, and often affected my concentration, to the point where I wondered if it was worth carrying on. I did of course, mainly because that's when I saw Gina the most and she was someone to talk to. I had that so much more then, and I found it easier to release my inner misgivings. It did much to lighten the load and make it possible for me to remain at school and have a chance of extending my studies. Although at the time there was something else dragging me down, which at first was only hinted by my outburst when I finally met the half-sister mentioned before. She meant it as a joke, at least I thought she did when she said I should be a father someday. It wasn't until Sarah – Mum's wife and the woman who later would bite me – fell pregnant with my youngest twin half-siblings that it became apparent just how much fatherhood was meaning to me, even at the age of sixteen. There was no time to get her to hospital so I ended up delivering little Evan and Amy... and just holding the girl in my arms was stirring a paternal feeling so deeply buried I didn't even know it was there. Suddenly there was a conflict of interests – what did I want with my life, work and money or family and love?

After graduation Gina and I got a house together, and it was then she finally convinced me to bite her. Like me, she'd found a night time vacancy in her chosen field, sports, and to start with that was our focus; sleep, hunt, work. Mundane but we kept telling ourselves the money would come in handy... and when I decided the time was right to propose, her own news of being pregnant was enough to remind me of that. Money was slipping from my mind at the time though, I was too excited at the prospect of becoming a father.

At first it was wonderful, despite having to eat into our holiday time in order to look after them. As Andy and Chris got older, I began to feel broody again – I don't know how I managed to convince Gina, but I was glad when she did... at first. We both got the shock of our lives on finding out she was expecting no less than four babies, and with little boys to look after too, we needed to find a bigger house, and even retired early so we could give all six of our children the time they needed. Still we coped as best we could, heaving a big sigh of relief when the boys got old enough to look after themselves as they wound up taking a turn in looking after the new arrivals – all girls. Little did we know at the time however, that what the twins were to go through would pale my turbulent teenage years into insignificance, and would test all aspects of my being to the limit; not only patience and parental ability, but also my sanity.

I didn't notice anything amiss at first, even when Andy – the green lad – asked me if they could have a double bed, his reason being Chris was still falling out of his single at night and waking him up - the poor kid was getting sick of it, so I agreed. One thing I fail to understand though, even now, is how parents can say they feel so heartbroken on finding their children to be gay. It happened to us with both of them a little while later, but then the fact both Gina's parents are men and some of my family are gay might have a lot to do with it. Still, even if not I wouldn't have cared... not even vampires can see into the future. If we could I would have felt a lot worse about their revelation, as that led to what would threaten to tear our family apart later on.

I was doing some cleaning one night, and was walking past their room on the way to the bathroom – well, one of them. Only vampires have sensitive hearing; if I was mortal I probably would have been none the wiser and gone on my way, but I'm not. I heard something filtering through their door and backed away a little to check I wasn't hearing things. Still not convinced I beckoned Gina over to join me, but the look on her face told me it wasn't just me. We had to scurry over to our room and lock ourselves in so we could vent in peace; Gina looked about to be sick while I just slumped onto the bed, my mind reeling from the shock of what we'd heard and all sorts of questions racing through my head. Why? What were they thinking, if they were at all? Everything was going so well, all the pain I'd suffered before, no matter how much my nature had brought onto myself, had subsided enough for me to enjoy my life. Now this. That sinking feeling I'd experienced many a time during my younger years returned threefold at least as I pondered everything else I'd gone through before. Hadn't I suffered enough? Things like my sister at least weren't anything to do with me – she didn't live with me, she was a law unto herself. Thinking about it now, I don't know why I let her get to me so much when this was now going on under our noses, and was much more serious. If it was just a case of one of them having a boyfriend over I could understand it, but... I can't go into too much detail, but let's just say we had strong words with them about it the following night.

They knew exactly why we were so angry, although Andy decided to test the waters first. Gina nearly lost it then, to the point where I had to send her up to her punch bag. I felt like doing the same, but I know explosions do more harm than good so I managed to contain myself as I spoke to them both, my more logical mindset allowing me to calm down enough to delve into the reasons why. I don't know why my anger melted away as we spoke, but I could only wish it didn't as a stronger, more destructive emotion replaced it, that of overwhelming sadness and pain as I felt the things I'd worked so hard for beginning to crumble away. To make matters worse, my over-sensitive nature and tendency to think too much about the absorbed pain had been inherited by Chris. Despite everything his big concern was that he'd hurt me. As much as I couldn't bear to tell him, my tears gave it away and we ended up sobbing into each other's arms. I wished so much that he'd taken more after his Mum with her care-free nature like his brother had, but even Andy was badly shaken by my state of mind. They weren't expecting for this to end in tears and neither was I, although maybe I should have. I can't stay angry at anyone for long, let alone my own flesh and blood. I can't vent my anger or frustration the way Gina can, my only outlet was through my eyes, but like me Chris is too receptive to pain. Anger he may have just about been able to deal with, especially when it was him and Andy at the root of it.

About one, two months down the line the atmosphere was still strained. I tried my best to carry on, although deep inside my mind was still reeling from the shock. Gina was still angry, and those two picked up on it; Chris became more and more withdrawn as time went by, while Andy merely simmered. He didn't show it often, but it was in his eyes. I tried to make him see things from our point of view but the shutters went up; he thought I was going the same way as his Mum. To be honest I wish I did; it's a lot healthier to feel angry than it is to feel hurt or upset. Yet all I could ask of whoever would listen was “What did I do to deserve this?!” With everything else and now this, I felt as though I was being punished.

That sentence I'd been given for whatever crime I'd committed got no lighter. About a week or so later, my daytime slumber got disturbed by a heavy rapping on the lid of my coffin, and I woke to find Andy pacing anxiously about the room.
“Dad!” he greeted me, “I'm worried about Chris; he's been in the bathroom ages, and he's not answering when I knock.”
“Which one?” I asked expectantly with a frown. Given his mood lately I didn't know whether to be worried or not. As Andy led me to the door however, what began as an innocent knocking quickly took a sinister turn when a familiar scent wafted through the gaps between the door and frame.
“What the...?” I remarked to myself, taking in another deep breath through my nose.
Is that what I think it is?
My in-built predatory senses kicked in as I started to sniff at the gaps, and my stomach turned as the scent of blood now detected was overpowering. Remembering who was inside was enough to pull me out of predator mode and back into parent mode as I broke the lock on the door, opened it to investigate... and screamed.

It took every ounce of the will I had left to pull me into action. It was too late to call an ambulance; he'd be dead by the time it got here. He was nearly there already... we don't make a habit of biting kids, and my youngest half-brother was enough to remind me of why (he's another story), but we were faced with no other option. It was Gina who did the honours as she was nearer, but while she tended the near-fatal wound in his wrist something caught my eye.
“What's that?” I asked.
She frowned before looking down at the back of his wrist, and my heart sank at the sight of lacerations on his arm in various states of repair.
“Oh Chris,” I heard Andy mutter as she continued her work. I would have said similar if I hadn't felt robbed of my ability to speak. Instead I bit softly on my lip in a bid to still my quaking jaw, tears flowing down my cheeks as I began to wonder how long he'd been doing this to himself, and more importantly, why? Blaming yourself for something is the worst thing anyone can do, I know that, but by this point I couldn't help it. All I could think was, if it wasn't for me being the way I was, it wouldn't have got passed down to him, and he'd have been less likely to feel driven to end his life. To say nothing of the shock and grief naturally felt by a father seeing his son lying in pools of blood he'd spilled by his own hands.

That day – and night when Chris joined us on our hunt – was the last time I'd felt able to let my emotions go in the only way I knew how. Andy bought him a cure the next day, not wanting for his sake to see him stay a fifteen year old forever. Thankfully he took it and began to get back to normal, although I couldn't help but notice how the pair of them seemed to be down with some kind of stomach bug. At first we put it down to their immune systems being low after all that'd happened, but this carried on for over a month. We both told them to get themselves checked out, but they seemed to prefer playing the waiting game. In the meantime my afore-mentioned younger half-brother was getting married, and he'd asked me to be his best man. Another whose antics had gotten under my skin – no point in going too much into his affairs, but this happened some time ago. Even then I was letting other people's problems affect me too much, but at least then my own family life was stable. It's almost as though something in me feeds on pain – why else would I bring on so much?

Still, it meant I could invite my own guests. When Chris and Andy were still in nappies, the alien being who fathered me decided to come down to Earth in a bid to finally meet his children, and the first he met was me. We hit it off instantly, and I'd managed to bond so well with him I decided to invite him to the wedding. It never occurred to me at the time that I'd be so grateful that he turned up, but that's just what happened, especially with news of my two boys spreading through the families. They were looking groggy even while we were waiting to start, and by now the craziest of theories was running through my head. I was out of other options, and besides they were showing other, very familiar symptoms that I'd seen before in my wife. I decided to corner Dad when I got the chance and run it by him – if anyone could put me right, or take me seriously if need be, it was him.

“Oh it's possible,” he said casually, “In fact that's why we instinctively went for the men here at first, we just assumed...” He trailed off as I shook my head, not the wisest of things to do considering how much it was now spinning.
“No, no,” I groaned, “That's not the answer I was hoping for...!”
“Why, what's wrong?”
I looked at him with pleading eyes. “It's Chris and Andy,” I whimpered, “I really hoped they were down with a persistent stomach bug...”
Knowing what so many of our folks know about those two, I didn't need to elaborate. His face fell as he stared back at me with apologetic eyes.
“Oh good Lord,” he muttered.
“Thanks anyway,” I said, about to leave but not before accepting Dad's offer of a hug.

Just the possibility was enough to leave me teetering on the edge, my being consumed now by dread as I prayed to anyone that would listen that surely, this would be the last of the trauma. I tried valiantly to retain control as I approached them when we got home, and practically ordered them to get themselves tested. I didn't need to tell them twice either, but the results that came back were the last straw.

Gina went postal. It's a miracle I didn't go the same way, but as always it was down to me to diffuse the situation and send her away. Both boys were in distress, but after the initial shock Chris slumped into the sofa like a frightened little boy.
“I'm scared,” he whimpered, “I hope I haven't damaged the baby...”
Despite myself I melted. Chris broke down into tears and was inconsolable, and the thoughts I picked up from them both were plain as day. The big question for them wasn't “Do we keep them?”, but “How are we going to cope?” Forcing them to terminate would be a big mistake, and I made sure that was the first thing I told Gina when I next saw her. In the meantime, weary from the moment of truth and containing my feelings on the situation we were now faced with, I locked myself in a bathroom and sat on the toilet, my head in my hands as I tried to process this latest state of affairs. For some reason however, although knowing I needed a release, the tears wouldn't come. Maybe it was from having to exercise so much self-control for everyone else's sake it became second nature, but as I sat there I felt, for the first time in my life, completely frozen. All sense of feeling had gone, I'd become numb to the sensation of pain. I couldn't even think practically anymore... I couldn't think at all. Except perhaps to wonder if I was experiencing what was known as a breakdown, but then I'd always pictured it being different, a complete loss of control. For me the opposite was true – there was so much control I could no longer release my emotions. Everything had gone inwards, and I had to keep it there if I was to be there for my family. I kept telling myself too many people needed me sane.

That's certainly true now, because Gina has changed. She's not as receptive to them as she was, and it's not to do with them both being pregnant as much as how the babies got there. The fact they didn't know it was even possible doesn't matter, just that they'd gone beyond the law in the first place, thus making it likely at all. Whatever feelings she harbours inside – she won't even tell me anymore for fear of hurting my own – she channels by throwing extra effort into bringing up our daughters, leaving me with two expecting teenagers, one of whom has already shown signs of ante-natal depression and risks going there again. It's not fair on his brother to support him when he needs it himself, but I'm running out of strength to lend them. I still can't show my feelings; with so many vulnerable people in the house now I daren't let them go, yet I long so much for enough time to myself to revitalise or at least release my pain somehow. Instead I solider on, showing strength on the outside but slowly crumbling inside – depression breeds apathy, I know that and that's just how I've been feeling lately. I've never been so glad for not having to worry about work as I couldn't bring myself to go – I wouldn't be able to concentrate, I can't even focus on TV or a book. I can barely muster the will to go on the cleaning sprees I used to, but Andy inherited that part of me so he's taken over, leaving me to fester outside on a bench as I drink in the tranquillity of the night, so much so I often need reminding to eat. I walk around in a daze, I've become a shell, and I'm even realising why Chris tried to take the easy way out as the idea of watching the sunrise often crosses my mind. I know better than to do that for real, but I really don't know how much longer I can carry on.

Application - Sloth

Sin: Sloth
Name: Johan Turilli, but you can call me Joe
Age: I stopped aging - mentally and physically - at 22, although I've been on this Earth for over 30 years now.

My wife started calling me Garfield while we were still in Uni - lazy but loveable she says. My brother Carlos says I "burden myself with everyone else's problems" - some call it a "gift of Empathy", I call it a curse. I know things could be worse, and that was certainly true when things first started to eat at me, but now? I don't know, could it get much worse? If I was mortal I'd probably be an alcoholic by now...

Nice isn't it? I live here. Whoever said money can't buy happiness though, they knew what they were talking about.

I wasn't much use as a Best Man in the end - I was too busy wishing I could feel the effects of alcohol.

*****

The host posted links to explanations of each sin, which I'm incredibly grateful for; it gave me more reason to use him - my first thoughts were the most severe case of lazyitis I'd ever seen in a sim, but there's more to him than that.

Round One - Wrath

Near Death Experience

I could never understand the reasoning behind pride shirts before. Watching everything I had slip between my fingers because of something buried deep inside was no cause for me to be proud – I cried for days. At the time I was in my early thirties, and only then had I realised that women had no place in my life. Hearing people say that being gay is a choice still makes my blood boil for that reason alone, although then I didn't feel it so much.

Ironically it was coming out that proved to be my downfall. Almost a decade since the turmoil with my then fiancée, things had calmed down enough for all of us to get back to normal. After holing up with Joe's twin sister for a while, I eventually moved in with Alex, the guy who brought me out of myself in the first place. We'd become an item and he'd asked me to move in, and I quickly bonded with his alien daughters.

However, mine isn't a normal job. I'd managed to pursue my dream of acting and made it big. So big that in the end, weary from lying to everyone about my relationship with Alex and biting my tongue when confronted with questions about women, I decided enough was enough and blurted it out in an interview. I should have regretted it, but instead I felt relieved... until one fateful night when I was walking in the city late in the evening.

I can't even remember what I was doing there now, but I do remember hearing these noises from somewhere. Men began to creep out from the shadows, most of them wielding objects of some description. Baseball bats, pieces of wood, that kind of thing. Just noting that fact was enough for my pulse to race as adrenalin pumped through my system.
Time to leave, Gino...
“Where do you think you're going?!” one of them sneered.
“I took a wrong turn,” I offered, trying to edge past the crowd.
“Damn right you did,” was the last remark I heard before getting winded by a blow to the stomach.
The talk was over, at least it was for me. My ears could no longer distinguish any words being said as I heard my own voice drowning them out. All I could hear was “Stop... please, stop...!!”
I didn't know whether they did or not. The pounding was relentless, and after a while the nerves in my body were crying out from the overload of pain and shut down my body.

It seemed like forever before the darkness parted, not much but enough to allow slithers of light to shine onto my now aching eyes, as they now faced the task of adjusting to the brightness of wherever I was. A dull throbbing sensation could be felt in every limb, and I could barely move my head. My vision was badly obscured, to the point where calling it a letterbox view would be overly generous. I could see flecks of green, black and red among a seemingly pale background, but all I could rely on to give my location was my nose. Even that was hampered by a strange, almost coppery smell.
“Hello?” I checked.
“Gino?” a female voice replied.
I became alert as I tried to sit up, but something was holding me back. “Mum?” I asked, my hands instinctively reaching out but wincing as one of them also felt restrained, like there was something in my hand that was keeping it close by.
“Easy,” she said, and I could feel her grip on one of my hands. I would have welcomed it if it didn't feel so tender it complained at the pressure, however light.
Tears of fear and uncertainty welled at my eyes, but for some reason instead of stinging, they burned. “Where am I?” I half-slurred, feeling my jaw protest at the effort taken to speak.
“You're in hospital,” a male voice replied. He also sounded familiar, but my sense of hearing was exhausted from its torment earlier.
“Who's that?” I asked, confessing that I could barely see.
“It's Joe,” came the reassuring reply, “Evan's here too.”

Evan's my youngest brother at fifteen, and the reason he was up so late is because, like Mum and Joe, he's a vampire. He drove us all round the bend with what he'd been up to, but at that moment in time that was the least of my problems. My whole body was ablaze, or at least that's how it felt. I couldn't see, my hearing was hampered by shock, I couldn't speak without my mouth complaining with the effort, and my mind was racing with images of what had past. Despite my family being there, I was scared to the point where it was bringing tears to my eyes, although I badly wished it didn't as it brought more pain.
“You need to rest,” Mum said softly, “We'll be back tomorrow night, okay?”
No, please, don't leave me alone...
All I could do was nod gently, and wonder how I could rest with my mind going so crazy. Pain is exhausting though, and my lack of strength from it all ensured I wouldn't stay awake for long.

They were back the next night as she said, and there were some others there too, judging by the extra voices. The shock had subsided enough for me to be able to talk properly with them, although with what they had to say I'd be left wondering if that was a good thing.
“Hey sweetie,” a soft Italian voice greeted me in a hushed manner.
“Alex?” I checked, looking about me for a sign of my boyfriend.
“I'm here,” came the reply as I felt pressure on one side of the bed. I was past caring how much his touch would hurt, and bit the bullet as I felt the presence of his hand and clutched it. Almost immediately I felt safe and warm just through knowing he was by my side.
“What happened?” I asked anyone present, confident in the knowledge that with all these night creatures around, at least one of them would surely know the answer.
“We saved your life,” Evan uttered with a trembling voice.
I winced as my head jerked upwards, scarcely believing my ears.
“What??” I exclaimed, “Why? I don't even know those guys...”
“No, but they knew you,” Mum replied dryly, “It's all over the papers every time you blow your nose.”
“Yeah yeah,” I acknowledged, before frowning. “That doesn't make any sense though! Why would they go for a big name like me? Unless they're the kind of guys who think this s*** is cool...”
There was a significant pause. I looked about me expectantly in search for an answer, beginning to wonder what the problem was. It was a reasonable enough question wasn't it?
“You could put it like that,” Alex muttered angrily.
“What do you mean?”
“For a start, you can quit referring to them in the present tense, if you get me,” a deeper voice resounded.
I recognised the voice as Kieran's, the guy who started this vampire trend in the first place. On registering what he said, I scoffed knowingly in reply.
“Yeah, should have figured it was something like that.”
“Tell you what though,” he continued, “For tasting so bitter that had to be my most enjoyable meal to date.”
“Mm,” Joe acknowledged, before finally answering my question. “To be honest, it wouldn't have mattered to them how well-known you are... all they were interested in was the side of the fence you sit on.”
“Huh?”
“They were out to kill someone who's gay,” he continued grimly, “In fact my first concern was that it was one of my boys I'd find there...”
I lay there for a moment in stunned silence as I tried to digest what he'd told me. It took me a while to decide what to say next.
“I beg your pardon?!” was the best I could manage.
“I know,” Mum said, her voice rising in anger, “Sickening, huh?!”
“So if I was straight they'd have left me alone?”
“That's about the size of it,” Kieran mused, “Nice eh, just as we thought it was safe to flirt with our same-sex partners this happens.”
“Tell you what,” Evan growled, “Anyone else wanting to call it a choice will have me to deal with.” He then gave a little snort as he spoke again. “I've already threatened to eat one of my school-mates for slagging off Chris and Andy, which I gather they've been doing for a while.”
As we continued to vent about the slippery slope our so-called society was now on, I could feel my blood simmering even then. I'm normally a passive guy, but the remark Joe made about hoping it wasn't one of his kids in my place, coupled with the fact that it was happening at all, really got under my skin.

It was about a week or so later when I got to meet his kids. The swelling in my face had just about died down, enough for me to be recognisable and enough to regain my eyesight. I didn't know who they were until Chris, the paler of the two, introduced them both.

I thought then Chris was a really modest guy; when I told them the nice things I'd heard from Evan and their Dad, he tore into the bathroom with cheeks dampened by tears, leaving me with his green twin who wasn't much better.
“Oh, nearly forgot,” he said eventually, handing me a package, “I got this for you.” His face adopted his Dad's cheeky grin as he continued. “It's meant as a joke, from one gay to another.”
“Oh yeah?” I replied, a smile spreading across my own lips as I plucked a bundle of black, stretchy fabric from the bag. When opened it revealed itself to be one of those muscle shirts, and it had white writing across the chest.
“Good boys don't ask
Bad boys find out for themselves”
I couldn't help but chuckle at first. It didn't last long however, and my smile faded as my mind drifted.
Wouldn't it nice to be able to wear something like this without fearing for your life... enough straight guys walk around with “You've been a bad girl, go to my room” shirts... Where's the justice? What happened to live and let live?
Tears stung my eyes for a moment. Then Joe's words came back to haunt me again.
“At first I was worried I'd find one of my sons there...”
I began to feel thankful that neither of the twins were telepathic as I continued to drift.
So these guys would stoop so low as to take out fifteen year old boys?! Even a fully grown man couldn't defend himself against so many... No wonder these vampires feed on guys like that. What kind of person kills other human beings just because they prefer their own gender?! ... And these two boys are such nice people too... I couldn't let this happen to them, or anyone else for that matter...
“Are you alright?”
“Hm?” I replied vaguely, looking back at my green nephew. “Oh, yeah I'm fine thanks. Cheers for this.” In a bid to keep myself from going off again I decided to pose him a question of my own. “Go on, be honest,” I began with a mischievous grin, “Would you have the guts to wear something like this?”
He sniggered in reply. “Don't know,” he said, shrugging. “I didn't mean for you wear it necessarily, maybe hang it on your wall.”
I smiled at the thought, before eyeing the print once more. “Oh don't worry,” I murmured vaguely, “I'll find a use for it.”
I meant it too. I don't know why, but something in me was itching to put it on when I was well enough and put up a finger at the rest of the bigoted a***holes out there. That wasn't the last of my intentions that were forming either – in fact it was merely the first. The only thing missing was a vampire, but I only had a few hours to wait. It turned out to be Alex who filled the void that night, but thankfully he was alone. I had plans, and they didn't include spectators.

“Ciao,” he greeted before planting a soft kiss on my lips.
“Ciao bello,” I replied playfully, and we conversed in Italian for a while. Comes in handy having an Italian Dad sometimes.
After a while he spotted the shirt, and on reading the print he shook his head with a smile. “Who got you this?” he asked.
“Andy,” I replied, before my frame of mind changed. “That reminds me... can I ask you a massive favour please?”
“If I can,” he shrugged.
I eyed him purposefully as I spoke. “Bite me,” I said in a pleading manner, “Please.”
As I expected, his face fell. “Why?” he queried.
“Several reasons,” I explained, “The fact you have these guys for lunch for one. For another, being stuck here's driving me crazy. Also, I nearly died; I don't fancy leaving this place just to end up in here again later on. If it's here I wind up next time, it might be the morgue instead!”
I could feel my voice rising in my mounting desperation, and indeed I was getting more and more anxious about having my needs met. It was a need too, I was sure of that.
His face was heavy with concern, and I noticed sadness in his eyes. He was silent for a moment, and I wondered if he was listening in on my thoughts to test my sincerity.
“Please Alex,” I found myself begging, “I'm well aware of the dangers, but I can't let this s*** carry on. There's more where they came from, you know that as well as I do – it will happen again, and that terrifies me...”
“Because it might be you or because you want a hand in helping them out?”
“Both!”
Again a pause, but it was shorter this time. A huge sigh of relief escaped my body as he slowly nodded and rose from the bed.
“Thank you,” I told him with a smile.
He pulled up a chair and sat down, before taking a hold of the nape of my neck to pull me forward, sweeping my long hair aside as his head lowered, and I braced myself for what was to follow as I felt his breath on my throat, feeling a tingly sensation in anticipation. It turned out I'd under-estimated the pain when it did come, and I stifled a yelp as his little fangs pierced the flesh in my neck. It wasn't just pricks but more like I'd been stabbed, and it hurt! The pain subsided only a little and was joined by a strong sucking sensation, and I felt an odd sense of calm, at least in body. My mind however was pondering the now insane question of how Evan could have missed this!? The fact that he needed to be put in front of a mirror before he knew what had happened now sounded so crazy.

It seemed to last forever, and despite gradually losing blood I could have stayed that way. It didn't of course, but I was only barely aware of the stinging feel of his fangs leaving the fresh wounds in my throat as a strange feeling washed over me.
“Ohh... I feel weird,” I complained, feeling myself being rested against the pillow.
“You will do,” he said, “It'll take a few hours. You may well be ready to leave later tonight.”
“The sooner the better,” I murmured in rising contentment, “Thanks babes.”
“You're welcome,” he smiled, “I'll go fetch your clothes.”

He wasn't kidding either. It seemed to fly by, my head hazy at first, but frowning as my body seemed to ache more than usual. During the short time between his visits, I could feel the strength returning to my body with a vengeance, which after being incapacitated for however long it had been was very welcome. Before I knew it I was sitting bolt upright in bed, tugging at the tube in my hand before staring in wonder, both at that and the rest of my arm, smiling happily on noticing the lack of bruising. I then tugged the neck of my gown aside to look down at my chest, patting my face and giving out a huge, gleeful sigh at the lack of pain being registered.
Rest well my pain receptors, you've earned it.
I could contain my excitement no longer, and while waiting for Alex I burst into the bathroom with a new lease of energy, happily noting the lack of reflection in the mirror.

“You ready then?” a familiar voice asked.
I turned to see Alex with a bulging carrier bag, which I knew would contain my clothes. I grinned broadly, becoming aware of the extension to my canines as I leapt forward to place a big kiss on his cheek.
“Oh yes!” I beamed in reply, “Grazie mille bambino!”
Alex's chuckles faded into the background as I went back into the main room with the bag, hastily throwing on my clothes and spotting the shirt he'd brought along. I smiled knowingly to myself as I left it in the bag and instead tugged on the pride shirt Andy had got me. Again my mind wandered as I looked down at the print across my chest, before gazing at the landscape beyond the window.

“Now I can wear my sexuality with pride, just like all you straight guys out there,” I said to no one in particular, my tone hardening as my expression became defiant, “And the next time you wanna beat the s*** out of me for it, not even God will help you.”

Application - Wrath

Sin: Wrath
Name: Gino Turilli
Age: 42. I don't look it? That's down to a combination of keeping active and being incredibly lucky.

Lucky in looks, unlucky in life. One of my biggest regrets is not finding out I'm gay before getting engaged and having a daughter. Still, now it's water under the bridge. Now I have a different problem, or at least I did when walking in the city one night and ended up getting battered nearly to death. I found out later it was a homophobic witch hunt, and a pride shirt one of my nephews got me as a joke instead served as a trigger...

I often change into "hunting gear" before heading off for my nightly meal...

... which I have mixed feelings about. The scenes I witness every night tear me open, but sucking the life out of those intent on hurting innocent people is so gratifying. Some folk really don't deserve to live.